Home
Slow. Down.
Slow. Down. is radical
The first cornerstone we will explore in more detail is: Slow. Down.
Layered into this healing cornerstone is the invitation to be safe, connected, and rooted. Without having a sense of genuine safety, it is difficult to feel connected and rooted in authentic ways. Without safety, it is impossible to heal and thrive.
The primary thing we do with our clients in a variety of ways and over time, slowly and intentionally, is create an environment of safety, trust, reliability, and understanding. We provide a nurturing presence that allows them to exhale because they are seen, heard, and accepted. We show them acceptance and repair when we make a mistake. We help them to turn toward themselves, and we reveal who we are as well, so they feel the power of interpersonal co-regulation. We teach them mindful, somatic practices that ground them so they can begin to care for themselves and others in new, tender ways.
Most families come to HOME in a state of crisis and pain, understandably unraveling, and worried about the well-being and life of a loved one. While we at HOME move adeptly, with compassionate expertise to address urgent issues, we also approach everyone involved with a quiet tenderness. We approach with reverence, building trust drop by drop. And we speak directly and honestly. It is a balance.
When families are in dysregulated states, toggling back and forth between fight and flight, freeze and fawn, we offer receptivity, curiosity, and empathy to help them transform their frenetic reactivity into a healthy self-regulation. This regulated, calm approach is contagious. It is medicine for hearts and bodies that have been under siege, overwhelmed by worry, and hijacked by dread.
It goes against the very preoccupation with Hurry. Up. found in our larger culture. Instead of saying “up and out,” we say, “down and in”. Instead of focusing on external concerns, material achievements, and speed to the finish line, we focus on internal healing, substantive meaning, and a care-full pacing.
The healing isn’t out there. It’s within you. When we slow down, we:
- practice a mindful, intentional presence through daily rhythms and rituals
- prop into our hearts and bodies so we can explore what waits for us there
- invite ourselves into a curiosity that can unlock what we have hidden away
- empty ourselves so we can be open to what is emerging
- befriend the parts of ourselves that we have discarded
- approach others with care
- speak intentionally, listen deeply
- honor ourselves and be careful about who has access to us
Slow. Down. is sacred work. It is a deep bow to what our hearts and souls need: a loving balm that washes over us, saying, “You are held, seen, loved.”
Recently, during a therapeutic session, I asked a mother and her son to speak to each other in 3 – 5 sentence blocks simply to slow down their speech and limit their word count. It took a few sessions for them to trust this rhythm. The more they did it, the more they were able to express themselves from their heart and hear each other. This whole “slowing down” practice enabled them to find a deeper connection and have conversations that they had been avoiding when they were rushing through and building “walls of words” to protect themselves.
In the slowness, we can safely feel and process all that is happening as it arises. We are not rushing past painful points; instead, we are voicing the hurt in real time, appreciating the gratitude as it unfolds, and giving space for repair in the moment of injury. In this way, pain and tension don’t build and calcify between us and our loved ones. We can begin to settle into a trust that the other is truly here FOR us, not against us, and is committed to repairing the connection whenever rupture arises.
As a lifelong cook who finds joy in the kitchen, one of my sacred spaces happens when I am cooking for others. And, food prepared in a slow-cooker is immensely better than food radiated in the microwave. The same is true for our healing. The Slow. Down. process introduces us to the wisdom found in chasing slow. The Slow. Down. process:
- helps us to hit the pause button so we can tenderly discover all parts of ourselves
- takes us to the edge of our grief so we integrate and honor it
- helps us to dance with our joy so it spills out and enlarges gratitude
- asks us to hold our pain lovingly
- wants us to wait well so our healing is embodied and enriched.
When I needed to double-click on my own Slow. Down process, I moved to Montana by myself, accompanied by my golden retriever. It was a year of going inward, listening deeply, and implementing changes. It was hard. I was profoundly sad AF a lot of the time. There were dark nights. And, there was also this sweet softness that emerged: a softness toward my mistakes and regrets, a softness born out of the stillness I learned to love found in daily rhythms, healing rituals, oneliness, not loneliness.
There is a beautiful Lebanese Arabic word, soubhiyeh. It is the magical time when dawn whispers, the house is still, and you are awake, savoring the stillness, enjoying a cup of coffee or tea, and rooting in that liminal space where the whispers of wisdom can be heard before life does what life does.
While I invite you to practice soubhiyeh, reflect on this snippet from the poem Let Silence Nestle In written by my friend and teacher, Deborah Quibell…